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Andy
Nov. 14th, 2005
03:17 am - my experiment...
of the right now.
right about now.
ok, so its freezing outside.
but im gonna go out there, smoke something green and then come back in, probably tear my kitchen apart looking for a snack.
and then write..
so...
here you go...
imagine some music...
while i'm gone, which is really of no import to you, because oh hell look at that im back.
cept i haven't left yet, I am thinking about socks.
or shoes.
ok.
~~~INTERLUDE~~~
back. from kitchen. freezing cold.
picked up ....mmmm. pink-flavored from a powderform soy. ice, why? why ice?
yes cold.
freezing fingers now typing.
stir the pink.
honey at the bottom.
taste the still grit.
there's still grit.
in it.
how much more stirring.
and face falling forward.
sleepy i guess
i sink face first, fall face first .
whoooo, just got a breath of death of fear.
whoo.
strong stuff.
im about to head to bed.
although im pulled to concentrate
hard
on the feeling of my hair against my neck
and then the feeling of my cold fingersup and down my neck
and then the strange texture of my hair itself, its odd sticking
and staying power styled by cold fingers.
how goth is this ?
silly. went to a desert rave last night.
like a time capsule of 10 years ago.
still so same.
seems no evolution, cept age divide.
no new clothesE?
no new music?
blech.
and then again. it was fun.
especially to be outside under the stars all night, till dawn and then beyond.
and with who i was with. \
it doesn't get any better.
its how they roll
that has such force to me
i like to be with a few
who
work fast with hands
and understand
random hand pain.
the which i have in my right hand
geez, did i break a finger?
same hand... fell and cut,
and weeks before
when i was handpush mowing my yard
i got a blister in the very very
center of my palm
and healed
and my hands are so much like my mothers
soft and cold
and my fathers too
the wrinkles -
the way they look.
i've always loved hands.
everything about them
touching hands...
reaching out ....
touching you touchingme....
ATTENTION NEIL DIAMOND INJECTION, it was unavoidable.
and so.
lets see where this goes
mmmmsoy grit.
soy grit soy grit soy grit.
it is fucking awesome. and honey tongue.
SOY GRIT!!!!!!!!!! HONEY TONGUE!!!! now with more grit than before!!!
pink tasting, sweet acting... strawberry. now that word is a let-down eh?
a let down.
i propose a new one.
sweet and pink berry
no. all new.
cept the berry part.
greenberry queenberry... clear your head of all thought
sweenberry
squeenberry
mmmmmmmberry
squeepberry
ok fuck it .
it was perfect.
strawberry
damn you just cant argue against a word
it wants to win
but do you know sanskrit?
i don't, i only know i need to know.
need to study.
i have such new strong goals.
and i struggle with such sadness.
only for my moon-phase today..
and probaly for the last month to an
odd degree
which i guess i have on my mind a lot lately
an odd degree
should i go back to school
and why would i
but see then
its on my mind.
but lately the thought is just as strong
about my honorary degrees.
t(W)o different degrees.
ok, now we get somewhere.
flowing as fast as possibo
to get nearer the real work
no pressure for this matter
let us work this beautifully.
let us work this perfectly.
and yet, expect ... have no expectations.
only goals
i am the untilmate GOTH // NOT GOTH.
the ultimate NOT GOTH // GOTH
funny.
i am so gemini sometimes.
my aquarius moon
is so in love.
my taurus so ready
for anything
fuck it, i'll be skate boarding soon.
RIGHTEOUS!!!!
i've been writing so much lately that has nostalgia references.
the compulsion to look back all the time.
the compulsion. to measure up the now with the then
am i having a libra moment
i'll sick my leo on it.
ok. so
am i getting into trouble lately.??
no. not really.
maybe a little bit.
the future remains uncertain.
wide open
and yet known.
staring at the profile
staring at his profile
with the sun coming up
with the sun coming up
dont knoow why
dont know why
makes me cry
makes me cry
while
while
smiling
smiling
behind dark glasses
found out there
how would anyone know what it feels to love
so many and so much
oh. then. everybody does
the pain of love
want
and having
and experiencing feeling
everybody does
everybody does
must lay my soul down.
must lay it down.
set it down to set it off.
lay it bare.
lay it to rest .
tears fall and i make a sound kinda likea mouse.
and hearing myself make that sound. I laugh.
and sniffle.
and writing is a treat. a pure treat replete with things like tears and laughter.
reread a little piece.
feel compelled towards another peace.
Oct. 26th, 2005
06:17 pm - hapless
sans hap. nada esta es happening.
and im depressed as utter hell.
sad loss in our family recently. not blood, but my sister's friend (boy/best/closest)
and i can't help but feel so sad.
seems like being kicked in the stomach so many times in a row you don't know where the kicks each start, end or are connecting with flesh or the flesh flincheth, advancing pain, retreating pain, just a harshness, dullness, damning depravity.
and i'm sure thats not the point.
but what else can i do but qualify it. there seems to be mass joy to be had. but i can't find solitary joy.
hollow. fucking halloween. on that very night. we are going to project the wizard of oz, at our lounge. and play pink floyd. and allow every one to come down off the weekend ride.
what is wednesday if i could calculate it per a normal persons week. or per my activity to this or that day pattern.
i guess wednesdays are always going to be a little
*pause*
i just had to let my dog bella know "you are a shit" and a LOUD SHIT"
cuz she got herself all into a barkathon with herself.
*dang*kinda funny....
YOU
ARE
A SHIT
ANd
A LOUD SHIT
she's in the bedroom. i closed the door on her. she's relaxing and chirp-barking to let me know that she's still "in the game"
i'll leave it at that for now. cuz that whole episode with my lady bella has brightened my spirits.
that i haven't put her into any place she's not fully happy about.
Oct. 17th, 2005
03:37 pm - funny
to read that a few years ago, i left my livejournal with a promise to post more often. like i owe a site something juicy of something. here's my thoughts on owing. I owe my dogs food. and love. because their lives i asked for. their lives are dependent. that's all. that's it. i owe myself renewed dreams and forgiveness.
hello again lj. hello.
calmSep. 30th, 2003
02:27 am - I am going to start posting again
I swear it. I have to purge myself of all the living I have been doing. I have been consuming life, I must produce written record. geez. I'll get on that tomorrow say.
lethargicNov. 26th, 2002
05:58 pm - tonighty
Andy, an actor playing an actor playing a gay elf named Crumpet, and Arizona's favorite drag queen - the official drag queen of the Scottsdale Center for the Arts - Ms. Barbra Seville, will be hanging out at the notorious locales...Hamburger Mary's, Pookie's and Roscoe's tonighty! And for these absolutely painful hours that I clock drinking and eating and making merry while quote-unquote promoting a show...yeeoouch...for this damnable sorrowful life I can only thank the playwright...seriously dude, f - off Mr. Sidaris.
naughtyOct. 26th, 2002
03:01 am - mare-ee-ajh
Lacey and Pete got married tonight. It was a swank and yet backwoodsy affair. It was Southern Baptist-Mormon, Arkasas-Arizona, Millionaire- Poverty, Martinelli's Cider-Champagne, Pagan-Spiritual, Love-deals,and cigarettes-a-hidin, the most hybridized thing I've yet to be spun by. but truly just...they are just Lacey and Pete and they're happy. They are so wonderful to each other, together, they just laugh and comfort each other, I've never sensed any kindof any pressure from one to the other. They really function as a team. And instead of it making me think that I've got that with J, I just actually think we've got a ways to go. Here's some of our issues that cause visible (to the even untrained not-looking-for-it eye)pressure between us , i.e. silence, forced smiles and cold shoulders or general coolness:
1. smoking (I do and feel guilty about, he hates and thinks me weak)
2. privacy (he thinks about it, obsesses, I detest this obsession)
3. sex (I decline when it seems obligatory, he's confused by this)
4. money (we are not a team, we are ourselves and buy for ourselves)
5. bedtime (conflicting schedules....hell TIME...he has just recently took an internship and works full time and goes to school full time)
and yet....tonight even though the dreadful bouquet toss was delightfully omitted (Thanks Lacey, and the garter too, yuck) everyone ribbed us about that we were next, even though had they looked a little closer, we were pissed about issue #1, #3 and #5...And stranger still, we just may be next. up to him. The actual only thing about us that I leave up to him...to ask, up to me to answer. let's just say tonight was their night, and notnotnot ours.
have fun in New York you bitches!
Oct. 3rd, 2002
09:33 pm - that Stiol girl sounds like a dumbass
Cultural programs benefit from gala
Event raised $200,000 last year
Dolores Tropiano
The Arizona Republic
Oct. 2, 2002 10:34 PM
ART-rageous Gala
WHO: The Scottsdale Cultural Council.
WHAT: ART-rageous Gala, including a performance by Tony award winner Audra McDonald, cocktail reception and dinner.
WHERE: Scottsdale Center for the Arts and Scottsdale Museum of Contemporary Art, 7380 E. Second St., Scottsdale.
WHEN: Oct. 5, 5:30 p.m., Saturday.
WHY: To raise money for education programs at the Scottsdale Center for the Arts and the Scottsdale Museum of Contemporary Art.
COST: $325 per person.
INFORMATION: (480) 874-4662.
SCOTTSDALE - When Andrea Stiol was growing up, she lived close enough to the Scottsdale Center for the Arts to describe it as her "back yard."
In the fifth grade, her class saw the Acting Company's version of Hamlet at the center, and in sixth grade she experienced an African dance company.
But more than anything, it was Cultural Connections, a theater workshop with students from other high schools, that had the greatest impact on Stiol. The workshop concluded with the creation of a theater piece.
"That kind of stuff leaves a big impression on a high school kid, because you don't really get into that in any class or any extracurricular clubs," Stiol said.
Cultural Connections is one of several education programs growing in demand at the center and at the Scottsdale Museum of Contemporary Arts that are funded by the "ART-rageous" Gala, which will be held Saturday at the Scottsdale Center for the Arts. The gala is the main fund-raising tool for both programs. Last year, the event raised nearly $200,000. This year, Tony award winner Audra McDonald is the featured guest.
Stiol, 25, will be among those involved in the gala. Last year, when she heard about a job opportunity, she quickly returned to the center.
"The program endorses so much positivity," said Stiol, "so when the opportunity came, I immediately called Linda Jane Austen."
Austen is the director of the education program that includes outreach efforts on the Salt River Pima Maricopa Indian Community and the Gila River Indian Community as well as collaborations with the Paiute Neighborhood Center and the Scottsdale Boys & Girls Club. This summer, the staff put on a pilot program at Coronado High School and Guadalupe. The program provided 188 education-oriented events during the past year, with attendance at school performances and other events notched at 50,475.
"I think the arts are a great way for a lot of youngsters to fit into other extracurricular activities besides sports," said Austen, director of the education department at the Scottsdale Center for the Arts. "It provides them with enriching activities and keeps them away from other negative behaviors."
The Scottsdale Museum of Contemporary Art, next door to the Center for the Arts, has its own education outreach program, allowing the community to experience the only museum in the state exclusively dedicated to contemporary art. The programs reached 7,500 children last year.
"Tots for Tuesdays" targets kids ages 3 to 5 with tours and interactive programs.
"Visions Program" brings painting, sculpting, drawing and photography students together from throughout the Valley for an art workshop that culminates with the creation of a work of art.
Oct. 2nd, 2002
Sep. 29th, 2002
10:13 pm - hope
gotta stay hopeful, full of hope. gotta continue doing what I do, and talking about culture to anyone I come in contact with. stay open, stay accepting, celebrate, and learn. nothing can be as valuable as an epiphany, enabling dialogue coaxes others towards it. Gotta make this state better, bridge the gap between indiginous peoples and the euromutts. remind us all to meet each other at least halfway. better than nothing. pay for the sins of our greats and grand-parents. how grand they were. really, they were doing wonderful things with that spirit of manifest destiny, the cost of their pillage, we must pay, and if we can do it joyfully, there is hope yet.
Sep. 3rd, 2002
12:08 am - halo
I've lately been called an angel and that's rather how I feel. I am so proud of myself and the lives that I feel so privileged to touch. I just finished a very life-altering, all the way round Residency program...me, as lonesome soldier, organizer and puller-through-er, dancers (all 16 of Cleo Parker Robinson's amazing company from Denver), and school children from Sacaton Middle School on the Gila River Indian Community. Having spent a week with the Pima and Maricopa Tribes, I just don't feel like going back to work with a bunch of uptight white people. I'll see what I can do, I'll bring my blessings with me.
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